Many of you may not know what a "snot rocket," as the procedure I'm about to describe is commonly referred to here in the Midwest, is so I will both define it, and explain step by step instructions as how to properly execute the procedure.
A "snot rocket" is essentially the expulsion of phelgm from a single nostril with great force. This is commonly done when no tissues or equivilent is available, or when using such an item is either impractical or socially unnecessary, such as in a corn field, hence the alternative term "famer blow."
Now since one is shooting phelgm from their nose with rapid velocity one must take special care in executing the snot rocket so as to hit their intended target (hopefully the natural ground and not someone's living room rug or face) and avoid making themselves a innocent bystandard.
There are two main scenarios we will use to decifer what type of snot rocket you should use.
The first one, the "in motion" snot rocket which we will discuss today.
The second, stationary snot rocket which, we will discuss if or whenever I feel like getting around to it.
"In motion" would refer to a situation in which one is actually moving. For example, this one will be for runners and bikers or any other various athletes who, while exercising have a tendency to build up a lot of phlegm.
I've found that while in motion (particularly when riding a bike) it's best to blow a snot rocket across your body. First select the nostril you wish to blow a snot rocket from. If you have chosen your left nostril...begin by using the index finger of your right hand to close off your right nostril. You may do this with a straight index finger or with the knuckle of your index finger if you're as cool as me and want to look tough while you're doing it. Next, turn your head 90 degrees or more to the right. Next, take a deep breath through your mouth. Finally, blow the air you have just deeply inhaled with great force out of your left nostril. This should send the majority of elements of your left nostril towards the ground moving by you. Repeat as desired.
To do the right nostril simply follow the same steps with the exceptions of plugging your left nostril with your right index finger and turning your head to the left instead of right.
One is often tempted to blow a left nostril snot rocket by turning their head to the left instead of across their body. While this might appear to make more sense I guarantee it will leave you with a much larger percentage of snot caked shoulders if you do it in this fashion.
I should mention however, that very few snot rockets are perfect. Generally speaking there will be some excess left over dangling from your nose after the procedure regardless of repetition. If one is wearing some type of gloves, or just doesn't really care what they get on their hands, a quick wipe should do the job.
Good Luck My Snotty Nosed Commrades,
Please post your trials and tribulations,